Exploring promises as a tool of growth

Part 5: Fashion your promise carefully

Yes, our promise might be only addressing one area of our lives, but we are making a start. And one promise can lead to another – especially if we actually achieve success on one point. Rather than aiming for perfection overnight – a great ideal, but one in which we will certainly fail – we are committing to an incremental growth. We can still have perfection as our goal, but initially, we are trying to keep this one promise. Certainly, I have been so distressed and dismayed by my failure to keep to those spiritual goals which I truly do desire, but which remain out of reach. It would be good to have at least one thing where I can say, “I said I’d do this, and I have”. Not that I will boast, but I will rejoice that I have found one thing in which I wanted to please God by doing something, and I showed that I could do it. And very importantly, I did it because I had clearly identified this as something that would honour God, that would be a way in which I can show that I can do something because I love God, and because it is something that was undermining my peace with God – but now it does not.

The promise can be anything you wish. You will know, and be able to work out, what it is that is spoiling your relationship with God and undermining your spiritual integrity. Many of these things will be sexual matters, and I must leave it to you to consider what they might be. However, we mustn’t underestimate the very wide range of challenges which people face. Our personalities are deeply intertwined with the desire for self-esteem, which is good in itself, but it comes with all sorts of temptations to dominate, control or exploit others. We react so negatively to hurts and slights, real or imagined, and fall prey to bitterness, anger, jealousy. And this is even before the terrible challenges imposed on us by the injustice that is all around us in the world. As people who love God, we are called to follow a path of righteousness and compassion through an obstacle course of violence, suffering and injustice. There is nothing, no matter how intrinsically good in itself, that cannot be twisted into something harmful. So, miserable sinners that we are, let’s show a little gentleness towards ourselves, and a little humility too, and simply make a promise that we are going to do our utmost to keep.

Exploring promises as a tool of growth

Part 4: A promise is a practical programme of spiritual growth

Nevertheless, having just given dire health warnings against promises, I am going to suggest the promise as a powerful tool for spiritual growth.

The first benefit of making a promise is that you have to compose what it is you are going to promise to do. This requires you to identify what is going on in your life and home in on those things that are impeding or spoiling your spiritual life. Rather than blindly going on, or being trapped in a repetitive circle of failure and then trying again – hoping that things will be different this time, you clarify what is spoiling your relationship with God. The more specific you can be the better. This enables you to make a very specific promise.

Of course, promises can easily be forgotten in the heat of the moment, or simply because the routines of our natural ways of life are so deeply ingrained that the promise we held clearly in our minds in our moment of prayerful reflection is easily lost as we continue “business as usual”, and it is only afterwards that we recall that we had said we were going to try and act differently in future. So, as well as making a promise, we can commit ourselves to bearing it in mind. This in itself makes our spiritual life more of a consciously adopted thing which we are striving to live up to, rather than something that we just remember now and then in our spiritual moments of the week. It also means that when we are drawn into the spiritual struggle, as temptation besets us, that we can consciously bring our promise to mind as a tool to help us to win. Of course, sometimes we will lose, but we have already addressed that possibility, and, rather than abandon our promise in shame and defeat, we take it up with renewed commitment: I will use this promise to help me to get to where I want to be in my spiritual life. Each time I fail, I will refine my understanding of what it is that is catching me out, what it is I want to achieve, and the practical methods of how to succeed in keeping my promise.

I think the main value of making a promise is that we are doing something specific in response to something that we don’t like in our spiritual lives. Rather than simply being confounded by our own weakness, or wondering when God will miraculously change the reality of our human nature, we commit ourselves to a practical course of action. Remember, we are not trying to earn our own salvation here, but we are taking practical steps to co-operate with God’s grace to put into effect his will, which is also the outcome that we desire but in which we are currently being frustrated by our weakness.

Exploring promises as a tool of growth

Part 3: Some pitfalls to avoid!

One answer to this problem is to not make promises! If you don’t make any promises, you can’t feel guilty when you break them! But this, of course, is to surrender the spiritual life altogether. So, painful as it is, it is still better to make promises and face the reality of failure and the need to confess, repent and try again, than not even to try. Another false answer is to make promises that are deliberately vague and open, such that you can never accuse yourself of ever actually breaking them, or at such a low threshold that even you can keep them. A further mistake is to make one promise and then think that if you keep just that one then you are alright with God – even though you offend him in lots of other ways. Finally, we must beware that we don’t think that our rightness with God depends on keeping our promises – as though if we could find a promise that we can keep then that must mean that we are a good person and can regard ourselves as righteous. This is the common mistake of people who are genuinely trying to live in a way that honours God, but who fall into self-righteousness. Our relationship with God always depends on his mercy and grace.

Exploring promises as a tool of growth

Part 2: In a fight, we need a weapon, so make a promise

The inner battle is not completely dependent on a conflict between our conscious mind and more instinctive impulses. There will also be battles within the conscious reasoning part of our minds. This is often the battle of distinguishing between real and apparent goods – or, perhaps, we might want to say, between good things but of lesser importance and good things of substantial or even ultimate importance. So, once again, we must not be forlorn when we trip up again in our spiritual battles; we need real perseverance to recognise what our biggest goals in life truly are, and then to steer towards them through thick and thin.

With all this in mind, I am exploring the use of promises as a tool for spiritual growth. I have often been dismayed and distressed throughout my life by my inability to keep my promises to God. I am often uplifted by God’s presence, and in those moments it feels as though it will be easy to keep promises to live a spiritual life that honours God in every aspect. But, of course, the moment fades, our human nature reasserts itself against our spiritual goals, the external world imposes its pressures upon us, and inner temptations lure us away into a way of life that is outwardly OK, may even be morally commendable according to general standards, but which is not true to the quality of life that we experienced when we were conscious of God’s presence, and which we wanted to dwell in permanently. And, of course, our fall from grace may be worse than this!

Exploring promises as a tool of growth

(A theological reflection in 8 parts)

Exploring promises as a tool of growth

Part 1: Face up to reality: this is a severe struggle

One of the greatest difficulties in living a spiritual life is the problem of the divided mind. That is, the inner struggle between your desire to live the life that you approve of, according to your faith, and the life that you feel pulled towards, through your human nature.

Much of this is the problem bequeathed to us by evolution. Evolution is a ruthlessly efficient survival mechanism that is entirely focussed on your self-interest. It stands to reason that pursuing your own self-interest is likely to lead us into selfish behaviour, which is the essence of immorality. Evolution is, of course, an amoral mechanism – that is, it has no interest in morality, it just does whatever works in terms of survival. At one point in our evolutionary development, our brains were not capable of reflecting on our own behaviour, we just did what came instinctively. As our brains developed into the wonderful thing they are today, we did not replace our “old brain” with a new improved “new brain”, we just added the new onto the old. Hence, much of our behaviour comes from the struggle between the older instinctive impulses and our new moral ability to reflect on and judge our own behaviour. Where our judgement falls will depend on whether we are able to overcome our selfish impulses and so do those things that we approve of according to our moral principles, or will those insistent voices of self-interest over-power our best intentions?

This inner battle is one which we all understand – though some individuals will have a very well-developed moral sense while others have barely begun to question their selfish impulses. It raises the question of what is it that we really want to do? Is it that we really do want to indulge in our primeval impulses for sex, power, domination, revenge, popularity etc but will not allow ourselves to do this? Or is it that we really do want to live up to our highest ideals and are unwillingly being dragged down by desires that we really do wish we could leave behind? Understanding this inner struggle is certainly of some help in winning it – if we really do want our high ideals to win. We are often confused and humiliated by our own weaknesses – we really did want to do the right thing, but somehow we ended giving in to behaviour that we really don’t approve of. How could this happen when we were so intent on doing the right thing? Well, it’s because the primeval “old brain” impulses just don’t ever go away, and when our reasoned, moral mind tries to tell the old brain what to do, it’s like telling a toddler in the middle of a tantrum that, no, they can’t have an ice-cream now. This insight doesn’t remove the need to win this argument, but it might give a little more mental space and energy when we are confounded by the sheer persistence of that inner voice to please yourself regardless of the consequences. This also gives us an indication that the way to win this battle is rarely going to be through a one-off telling ourselves that we’re going to do the right thing in future; we are likely going to have to train ourselves through repeated endeavour in order to reach the goals that we ultimately approve of.

What is faith?

Part 3: Medicine for the modern world

In the modern world, this faith is totally misunderstood by many who don’t have it. They think of it as a mistake, a delusion, perhaps like an infection that some people catch, but really you need to be healed of it. They think of it as a bizarre self-delusion, like those who insist that, though they are blind and in a dark room, there is indeed a black cat – even though when you, who can see, switch on the light, there is no cat there. In that respect, it is stupid, just bone-headed refusal to accept the truth. But this is because they think of faith as a “thing” – and as things should be able to be seen and touched, and they can’t see or touch faith, so it must not exist. But faith is most of all a way of living. And in modern society, it becomes more and more vital for the health and well-being of us all that people adopt faith as their way of life. Bizarrely, it is atheistic modern ideologies that are lost in self-delusion, grotesquely distorting facts in order to justify false theories that have completely lost touch with reality, while those “lost in the bizarre self-delusion of faith” are able to see clearly and uphold truth and justice. So, there is a desperate need for people to adopt an alternative way of looking and living and being – and this is what faith gives you. Enjoy the fact that those who despise faith find it infuriating and baffling; rest easily and gently with the fact that we cannot prove our faith – we do not have to respond to our critics: “Show us this “thing” you call faith, so we can test it and examine it”. We must simply draw out of ourselves the treasures of faith – baffling our critics again, “Where on earth did he get that from? How did she do that?”. Of course, if I extol this faith, we who have it must actually live in this way and perform these actions. Neither our critics nor we ourselves can see the source from which our spring flows, but we, and all, can see when we refresh those who are thirsty. And the channel through which this refreshment flows is called faith.

What is faith?

Part 2: A relationship, trusting, loving, fulfilling

Faith is faith in someone, in God. It is a commitment to honour him. It is a self-giving – and a self-receiving: receiving a new, transformed version of yourself, and receiving the self that is the person of God. Faith is a promise to be true to the one you love. Having met this God, this elusive stranger, this mysterious guest, this person whom we can reason out is always everywhere, but in our experience just visits us now and then, appearing suddenly, imparting a message, or just the comfort of his presence, and then he is gone again. He moves and has his will and calls to us, and is always an abiding presence, while still able to encounter us face to face in particular moments, in particular places, for particular reasons – such that at other times it seems as though he is not fully with us, though we understand he is really. But it is the meeting with him that is most precious. Like meeting someone and immediately falling in love, so those with faith are those who met him and found themselves charmed to the roots of their being.

Faith is looking up and beholding him, and smiling with pure joy to be in his presence. Faith is knowing that this is the heart of everything; it is everything, and certainly worth more than everything else put together. Faith is trust that this person you have met is real and true and worth all that you think he is. It’s trust, when you feel his presence and when you don’t, that you are enfolded in his love. Trust that if you follow his guidance you will find life in all its fullness. Trust that he cares for you completely and that he always and only wants what is absolutely the best for you. Therefore, it is trust that following his way will always lead you in the right path.

What is faith?

(An exploration in 3 parts)

What is faith?

Part 1: A verb, not a noun, active and purposeful

It is a way of looking at the world, of understanding reality, of understanding yourself and all your relationships – with other people, but also your inner relationship with yourself. It is a set of values, principles and goals to live by, a way of governing all that you do.

It is a source of strength and inspiration. In addition to all the usual – but still awesome – resources of mind and heart and body with which human beings are equipped, it is an additional resource, like having an additional gear, or, in times of need, a turbo-charge button that gives a mysterious extra source of strength that the normal physical world would not justify us having.

It is a relationship. A relationship with someone who is other, other, but more intimate than our own thoughts and feelings, someone who is discovered and met, not created or controlled, someone who has a will and a character, and, for unfathomable reasons, this other person loves you to the uttermost, and always will.

It is a shared understanding and commitment with other people who also have this faith, and so who form a community. It is something instantly recognised and acknowledged with the merest nod of the head and of the open heart: “You too”. It is a secret that is shouted abroad, but still a secret to those who don’t have it, incomprehensible, baffling, foolish, but for those who have the secret – or, who rather, acknowledge the truth of the secret – it is the most obvious thing in the world, and, like members of a secret society who understand the signs, just a look or a word are enough: “You know him too; you love him too”.

It is something that is nothing, in that there is nothing to see or touch, but it is everything to those who have it. Yet it is nothing – until the person speaks what is in their heart, or acts in ways that surprise, disturb and delight. “Why did she do that? There was no reason for it. Nothing in our normal understanding of how the world works prepared me for that”. And it is disturbing, but if you look and ponder, it is delightful, for faith produces extraordinary acts of gracious love. Too often, faith is translated into ideas in the mind that are agreed to, but really, faith is a new and additional source of love.