True freedom

Part 3: For the believer, it is crazy to ever desire freedom from God

Let’s see what the believer’s response is to these three elements of freedom that the atheist desires.

The first freedom from God’s scrutiny and judgement assumes a negative view of God, who makes you feel bad. Ditching such a God does make you feel better. (We must be aware of the possibility that, even if God was a miserable, restrictive sort of person, if his judgements were just, then ditching him may be making you feel better, but only by giving up on justice.) Nevertheless, the atheist has a picture in their mind of a negative God, and so ditching him is for them a good thing. However, believers have a positive view of God, who makes them feel good. For them, ditching God is a disaster that impoverishes their lives. The price for losing any sense of scrutiny, guilt and shame is to lose the sense of being loved, guarded and guided. For the believer, these positive feelings overwhelm the negative. And, in fact, the “negative” feelings are not negative in the sense of someone unjustly harming you, for the believer accepts- gladly accepts – that feelings of guilt are justified. It is a good thing because it accurately reflects the person’s reaction against their own action, and keeps them anchored to a moral judgement that is very sound, very principled, very inspiring. The only way to lose that guilt would be to give up on the high values that they love. Even more important, the “negative” feelings are not just dumped on the believer by a vindictive God to punish them, the feelings are themselves readily ditched through the loving forgiveness offered by God. So, there is a positive solution readily to hand, and one that cements a supremely positive relationship.

It is true that the believer is dependent on another to make them feel good again, as they receive God’s forgiveness, but this is not experienced as submitting to a domineering master, but as being embraced by a loving parent. A relationship which was supremely precious to the believer has been damaged by their failure to live up to God’s standards, but now all sorrow, guilt and shame is washed away in the reconciling and forgiving love offered by God, and everything is alright once again – including the erasure of guilt. When we considered the atheist, we recognised that they may have no power to make recompense and, ultimately, just had to resort to forgiving themselves – as it were, writing off the loss and harm because nothing can be done about it. Yet, for the believer, God does have power to put things right. Now, we do notice that a key image for believers is of the parent embracing a child, and the atheist loved the sense of independence of not relying on anyone. I think this is simply where there are different foundational values, and we have traced back the atheist and theist value systems to one of their core values in each case. All I will say is that, for the believer, the relationship with God is simply a reality in their experience; they are not shying away from standing on their own two feet. In practice, the sense of being held in the strength and love of God empowers believers to do far more in their endeavours to change the world than they would ever have dared to do if they had thought they were on their own. Moreover, it does not seem wrong to believers to own the superior worth of a person such as God. They are not submitting to an alien or oppressive power; they are not refusing to make their own decisions: they have simply discovered a power and wisdom greater than their own, which it is their delight to turn to for guidance.

True freedom

Part 2: There’s a lot more freedom the atheist wants – but is it really all about sex?

Then – and in tune with the first point –there is the freedom to make your own moral code. As an atheist, you reject the very concept of having to submit to a moral code – even a divine one – that has been imposed on you, and you have to follow it. Instead, using that integrity and awareness we mentioned earlier, you will decide for yourself what you regard as good and evil, acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. This desire to decide for yourself is, again, commendable, and surely preferable to blind or even fearful following of what those in authority say. Of course, part of the atheist outlook must be to take account of human frailty. With your mature, self-aware integrity, you will realise that human beings make mistakes. These have to be recognised, atoned for if you can by saying sorry to those you have wronged and recompensing them for what harm you have caused them, to the best of your ability. Sometimes none of this will be possible, and so all you can do is to – with honesty and integrity – come to terms with your mistake, accept it, try to learn from it and to forgive yourself – and, in most cases, you can give complete forgiveness provided you have a deep sense of the tragedy of life, and you are doing your best to be on the side of goodness truth and justice.

I think that the third element of freedom in the modern age that is so highly sought after is sexual freedom. Not many people desire the freedom to murder others or even to steal their property. People who are aspiring to be good – and the only valid defence of atheism is that you are using it as a way to be good – don’t even want the freedom to be mean, cruel, dominating or dismissive of others. It is sexual freedom that is desired, and this is probably the driving factor behind many changes in modern society. Now we must consider that this will have both good and bad elements, and must not automatically use the traditional religious negative view of sex as something that must be strongly curtailed. Nevertheless, in the assessment of changes to morality in society and the way that drives society in certain directions, then we should acknowledge that a large part of the change in morality is due to the desired changes in sexual freedom. We will need to consider how high a price has been paid, and what has been gained – and lost.

(An analysis comparing the atheist’s freedom and the believer’s freedom, in 7 parts)

True freedom

Part 1: The atheist wants to be free of God

I understand some of the appeal of atheism. There is the invigorating sense of being a truly free, independent agent. You are standing on your own two feet; you have achieved full adult independence from any sort of childlike dependence. You are your own boss, completely free to chart whatever course through life you choose – subject, of course, to external constraints and your inner capabilities. But that is all part of the adventure. With full self-awareness, you assess your situation, declare your independence and set out to do whatever it is you want to do.

There is much that is highly commendable in this, that is part of achieving maturity. However, the particular aspect of atheistic maturity is to declare complete independence from God – and there is no greater expression of this than a flat denial that he exists. You are not torn between the benefits of faith and the benefits of the atheistic way, because for you, the theistic way is simply false – there is nothing to be gained by searching for God or paying attention to what those deluded into faith say. Thank goodness you are free of all that!

If we examine this point of view more closely, I think that we will find at least 3 elements to the freedom from God that atheists are asserting.

There is the freedom from the religious sense of being under scrutiny, involving criticism, judgement, guilt and shame. In religious terms, the only way to be free of inner feelings of guilt and shame is to ask for forgiveness, but this clearly entails a submission to another – in this case, God. So, the freedom that an atheist desires is the freedom of not having to submit your actions to the judgement of anyone but yourself. This can be good, healthy, positive. If we have very strong principles, a very sound sense of judgement, and excellent maturity and integrity, it could work: I don’t have to submit to anyone else’s opinion because my own opinion is as good as you can get. And you would have to add the character strengths of excellent self-awareness, honesty, with the integrity not to dissimulate on your own behalf when you know that really you are in the wrong. So, this is a tall order, but not (theoretically?) impossible. And if it is possible then it all feeds into the exhilarating sense of being your own person, answerable to no-one.

Addressing the issue of self-hatred in Christianity

Part 3: God’s love always offers us more

Now, I believe, we find the basis for those words that might be taken as signs of self-hatred, but which are, in fact, the opposite – and, in fact, a sign of the believer being taken beyond themselves in love for God and love for others.

So, in relation to my humanistic assessment of people in general, and of myself in particular, I am able to maintain a healthy appreciation that – despite many failures of which I am acutely aware – that “I’m doing OK; I am a good person”. Yet when I turn my attention to God, I perceive such perfect goodness, truth and love that I shudder in horror at myself. Note that my feeble human appreciation of God’s perfection is not the fullness of his perfection, but only that tiny part of which my mind is capable of holding. My horror at myself is enhanced precisely because I am aware of the goodness of God, and very aware that his gracious gifts to me can (and sometimes do) enable a life transformed by God’s love. I know that all the fullness of the life of God is open to me, and even though I regularly enjoy this blessing, yet in my weakness I “cannot be bothered” to make more progress in the way of life that God has opened up to me. It is the sheer banality of that impulse – that I cannot be bothered – that is the root of my ideas of “detesting my failures”. I am not even being overcome by the mighty battle between good and evil (usually); I simply can’t rouse myself to action to make greater progress on the path of peace and joy that I do truly love.

So, any negative thoughts about myself in my devotions are primarily prompted by my reacquaintance with the wonder of who God is. As I refocus on him, the transforming freedom and energy to live a new and better life brings into sharp contrast my failure to honour him as I could – and I truly could. But my awareness of failure and weakness is made possible as I leave them behind, as God lifts me up – whereas, before the liberation of prayer I was not nearly so aware of my failures and weakness because I was held within them.

Therefore, in my devotions, apparent signs of condemning myself are truly signs of redeeming grace lifting me out of an inadequate life in which I would continue to dwell if it was not for the encounter with the God of love in my devotions. As God lifts me up, I can see more clearly the things that hold me down when I live “by myself” rather than “with God”. Any negative assessment of myself is simply expressing a positive assessment of God – both for who he is, and for his love shown to me. As I shed (for a time) the restraining failures of humanity, I embrace the liberating possibilities of humanity animated by the love of God. And perhaps the ultimate sign of this is that, held within the love of God, the transformation is more than even the change from awareness of weakness and failure to awareness of joyful fulfilment; the transformation is from someone endlessly concerned with himself (and his self-interests) to someone able to make a little space to forget his personal journey – even the journey of transformation – in order to care for others. This is still a challenge for I – in my terrible weakness – am still inclined to think of God as the one who saves me, in his great love for me, when the true transformation is for me to join in the love of God who loves us all and seeks to bring all of us to wholeness of life.

Addressing the issue of self-hatred in Christianity

Part 2: Turning to God always produces goodness

I do not deny for a moment that this completely positive message can be distorted, either by official bodies in the Church or through the personal woundedness of individuals who twist the doctrines about sin into a form of self-harm. However, this in itself is simply a reminder of our need to be saved by God, for anything, no matter how intrinsically good in itself, can be corrupted into something evil. But, likewise, anything, no matter how corrupted can be redeemed through the love of God.

So, this is a sound general theological defence of why Christianity needs to delve into the dark depths of the human heart in order to lift up the soul into the light of God’s healing grace. But why the particular devotional language that I use?

Firstly, I am never conscious while I’m writing of negative thoughts; my focus is always on the transformation from sorrow to joy, or helplessness to hope. It is only that I’m writing more and reflecting on it that I notice words like “all that I detest about myself”. In relation to the world in general, I think I’m a rather nice person and do not suffer from low self-esteem. However, a sharp analysis would ask, “Why do you feel the need to move from sorrow and helplessness?”. Surely, “a rather nice person” should not be feeling these things, and so we accuse you of having been dragged down by your faith. However, when making prayers like this, I am always conscious of being lifted up by my faith. It is the transforming joy and hope that I’m celebrating. And, moreover, this transformation is all the more liberating and wonderful because of my consciousness of being lifted high from such a low position. This does leave open a psychological critique that it is the purpose of religion to bring people down in order for them to feel that they require the liberation that the religion offers. However, I refer back to the general theological foundation for Christianity, that it is simply realistic to take on board the reality of evil and suffering in the world, and it’s supremely hopeful to believe that it’s possible to take this on and do something positive through the belief in turning the world into the kingdom of God. It is down-playing or ignoring the reality of such suffering that is negative and cruel. It is the faithful community which attempts to contemplate the horror of a loving God who fully comprehends our suffering.

(In 3 parts)

Addressing the issue of self-hatred in Christianity

Part 1: A firm foundation

I notice in my devotional language that I use words that suggest a degree of self-hatred: eg “I detest my failures and am not worthy to even look at you”. Yet my self-understanding is that I go through life with robust good humour and an almost unfailing positive outlook on life (apart from those occasional low moments that everyone has). What is going on here? In particular, I would like to defend Christian faith against charges of being negative, and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone reading my prayers to take on board negative outlooks on life or on themselves. What can I discover?

The central foundation of Christianity is the greatest good news that anyone could take to heart: that God loves each one of us with an unconditional, never failing, perfect love. As John put it in his gospel, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son so that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life”. This is an ever-green foundation for new hope and new life. Of course, we have now introduced the idea of human failure, and Christianity gets enormous criticism from some quarters for being intensely negative and pessimistic by endlessly harping on about sin. Yet, Christians do not see this as pessimistic but supremely realistic. It is the modern tendency to try and side-step the reality of human moral failure that is false and destructive. Christians are facing up to the reality of life and doing something supremely positive about it. In essence, the work of Jesus and the gospel of the Church is a rescue mission to save us. Given that we are in a mess and have a continual tendency to make more messes of life, we need to be rescued from it and so this emphasis in Christianity is completely positive and the ultimate sign of God’s love for us, in that he did not leave us wallowing around helplessly, both suffering ourselves and harming others. So, in this respect, it is the modern secular desire to reject the notion of sin, and that human beings could be transformed for the better, that is so dreary and destructive. In comparison, Christianity proclaims a joyful freedom to live in union with the God of love.