Living a deeper life
Part 3: Don’t just follow the old grooves; chart your course as though free to rove anywhere over the ocean, and pursue your way vigorously
I recognise that I am a responsive person. There are many good features to this: it helps to make me considerate and kind, to notice what is going on around me, and to try and help others rather than massaging my own ego. Yet it can easily make me a passive person, reacting to a situation created by others rather than directing my path actively in the way that I have chosen. What should that path be? If I don’t have to follow any pre-set route, but can be truly creative, what kind of a life do I want to carve out – both for myself, and to offer as an alternative if others are also seeking something better?
I need to develop my powers of judgement, direction and energy. If I can use my awareness to rise above the immediate melee of conflicting demands for my attention then I can raise my head above the mist and see the way for me to go. This includes resisting the temptation to simply react against what external agencies are saying, and resisting the lazy, easy way of just doing what I usually do, and, instead, taking charge of the inner competition for “brain-space” – that is resisting the competing impulses to spend time thinking about my habitual favourite topics: what do I choose to hold in my mind today?
I confess that I have often been overcome by the pressures that I face. I worry about things far too much. Although in many ways my natural default demeanour is of a deeply peaceful person, I am also prey to anxiety. Being too sensitive, I allow things to prey on my mind, and find it hard to let them go. I hate to make mistakes and have a terrible fear that some action of mine might have spoilt what would otherwise have been. I hate the idea of failure. I take my responsibilities very seriously and agonise at the thought of not fulfilling my duties, or letting someone down. I could have had a more robust spirit, more adept at drawing on my inner resources to project self-confidence rather than allowing the context or framework in which I find myself to contribute so much to my self-esteem. If now, I am to be more resilient, more creative in what I choose to offer to the situation, more willing to offer what I think, and confident in my own judgement rather than sensitive to the judgements of others, what would I have to offer?
Spiritual Devotion 