Part 2: Faith is like a beating heart, not a bar of gold.
I accept that I have fluctuated like a weathervane when I need to be like a hand on the rudder of a boat, not shifting with every breeze, but holding a steady course in the direction I have chosen. I have regarded myself as too weak to resist pressure, when really I am just being weak, and not attempting to exert myself sufficiently to be true to my chosen way. My faith is the tool that God has given me and I must use it better: work with it, lean on it more, depend on it, trust it, wield it like a weapon to knock the stuffing out of what is bothering me, and as a shield against what is troubling me. As we strive with our muscles to move a heavy object, so I must press my faith against the challenge and overcome it.
It is time to join battle, with victory in no way ensured, but intent on fighting through if I can. If I fail, then I will call on God’s mercy to forgive me. If I succeed that will also be an act of God’s grace. But it is now essential that I make my stand and live by faith. It is no longer acceptable to fluctuate between renewed promises of faithfulness and easy surrender in the face of challenges – and then a new promise to try even harder in future. Not that I am perfect, nor that I will never fail; I will certainly fail, but God’s grace is sufficient. But I need to radiate strength and confidence outwards, rising from God’s Spirit within me, and which I have taken up by faith, to press outwards against challenges to extend the arena in which God’s will holds sway, in which his kingdom is established, in which I move freely within the boundaries of God’s grace. Not that his grace is not everywhere, but I want to establish and extend the sphere in which he is honoured, and within which I live and move and breathe – and I mean this both in terms of God being honoured in every part of my own life, and in terms of me being an agent of change in God’s service, in the life of the world. I don’t want to cringe or cower before challenges, fearing that I have no chance of overcoming them. I don’t want to be someone who loves God in the inmost parts of my heart and soul and mind, but who still has a divided will – wanting both God and what is not of God. It is time that he held unrestricted sway over all of my life. And to achieve this, I need to combine my existing stillness, resting in God’s grace, with a resilient strength, exerting itself to stay true to God.
I think that this approach will help me with all the causes in my life, all aspects, as I try and work out what it means to be truly devoted to God.
Spiritual Devotion 