Stepping out

Stepping out

Lord, I step out into the open,

Away from the security of my favourite thoughts,

Away from the safety of hiding in the background

Afraid of standing out, afraid of failing.

What will you show me when I am standing out in the light?

Who will I meet?

What will you guide me to do once I am there, free to look all around me?

It is only a journey of a few steps, but it’s also the journey of a lifetime.

What gifts do I need to take with me?

A desire for justice –

For out in the open all manner of people will rush at me, clamouring for my attention.

Some will want to take advantage of me, others will want to recruit me to their cause.

I will certainly be buffeted by forces much more powerful than me.

I was safe while I kept my head down, but you, Lord, called me to go out into the marketplace and take my stand.

And though I am just one person, without the strength to command the arena, if I have taken justice with me, I will know who to stand against and who to stand with and who to stand up for.

Let me also take compassion out with me – and perhaps it’s because you gave me this that is the reason why I want to leave the shadows at all.

Without your compassion Lord, even if I keep hold of justice, I might go wrong, might hurt others.

For too easily I get angry and condemn.

Instead, even as I oppose injustice, I must aim to reform the perpetrators.

And there is no point in leaving the safety of my home at all if it is not to kneel beside those who suffer to bind their wounds, so let me keep tight hold of your compassion.

Lord, what I’m doing is so unlike me, I need even more of your gifts if I am not to run straight back to safety.

So, make me open to others.

Really willing to learn.

To give, and to receive.

Not to defend my barriers, to make it easier for others to enter.

And, Lord, I need to be brave.

You know I am not very good at this.

People shout such a lot, while I love the quietness of sitting with you.

But perhaps bravery is not a thing in itself, but the sort of actions that are done.

So, there is no need for me to wait here till I receive a nugget of bravery in my soul,

I just need to step out into the open, and because I did that, I must be brave.

Once I do, I lose control of the action – in that I am now in too big a space to command.

But I have not lost control in terms of being helpless.

It is the difference between a boat safely in harbour where the captain is in complete charge of it, and a boat heading out to sea. You cannot control the wind and the waves, but you can still set the course you want to follow.

Out in the open, I become a target, but perhaps I can also become a standard around which others can gather.

Gather for support, for safety, for encouragement, for refreshment.

Not that I have anything to offer Lord, that’s why I’ve been hiding here so long.

But gradually over the years, you have slipped 5 smooth pebbles into my pocket:

A desire for justice, compassion, a new willingness to be open, and a tiny impulse to be brave.

So, here I am Lord; I am moving now, stepping out into the open.

What’s that, Lord, you think I’ve forgotten something?

I said “5 pebbles” but have only mentioned four?

The fifth is that I know there’s something out there I need to find.

That is also your gift to me.

I have always known your love, and you have held me close in your heart.

But now I need to step out and see what you are doing out there.