God: who are you; what are you? Part 6

God: who are you; what are you?

Part 6

I do want to admit that in some of my other writings I have perhaps too readily expressed confidence that I know that this voice is not me. Though you can see why I’m reluctant to claim it as my voice, for the conclusion that it leads to is that I am God (and you too, of course).

What is it? I admit that many of the things “God tells me” are not rocket-science; they are not divorced from what I might have worked out for myself – though I have had a lifetime of training myself “in the ways of God” through imbibing ideas, stories, values about him. However, it still feels as though it is coming to me from outside of myself. And sometimes (maybe quite rarely, I’m not sure) this external voice takes your breath away. It is utterly, shockingly, transformingly different. It gives incisive judgement in ways that are exhilaratingly liberating, uplifting, creative, energising, full of vision and hopeful possibilities. If this is me (and it must be me if we are saying that all those other occasions are me) then this is an extraordinary capability of the mind. It seems much more authentically truthful to say, “God has spoken to me”. Although it’s quite a tame illustration (after all, what could do justice to God) I wonder if an appropriate illustration of this is if you have ever played chess with yourself. You just can’t fool yourself. It’s possible that you might make a move and then a few moments later think of a good countermove for “your opponent”, but I don’t think it’s possible to be suddenly shocked by yourself in the way that a real opponent can.

The word “authentic” has crept in and is this the essence of it? Yes, all the voices in my head speak in the way I speak, but I recognise all the voices as my own – even if I am arguing an issue not just from two sides but from several. But when “the voice of God” speaks I do not recognise it as mine. I can tell when I am trying to smuggle my ideas in under cover of God’s will, but when God genuinely speaks to me, it is recognised as authentically him. It is other; it is not me.

I realise that this is circular reasoning: when I feel that something is true (authentic) it’s because I feel that it is true (authentic). Probably there is no getting round this. This means that, ultimately, it is a judgement. A free choice. “Who do you say that I am?” I say that you are the Lord.