Faith

Faith

I do believe, but more than I believe, I trust.

I reach out my hand, and I know that I am alone, that no-one will take it, but still I trust that you see my outstretched arm, and you will touch my heart with your love, even though I did not touch you.

It makes no sense, and that is why I call it faith, but if it makes no sense, it accords with my experience. Over and over again I have called to you, and though I never hear any voice, still you answer me.

As the delicate butterfly cannot be grasped, as her flight cannot be predicted, so you are beyond my control. I know what it is to speak with myself, and sometimes I can be wise, but when you speak the shock of insight takes my breath away. As though the hard kernel has been broken open, the long-hidden truth emerges, and in your light hope springs like a new living shoot.

This cannot happen, but it does. Even if I decide I am mistaken and there truly is no-one there, yet when I reach out to you, I find you. I trust that you are there, and it is so.

This is more mysterious than all else in my life, and it has become more precious. I would love to understand it, and to some degree I have learnt how it works, but really it is beyond all understanding, and it just has to be lived.

And so I live by faith – or try to. And certainly I know that to live by faith is fullness of life.

Faith is the flame that shines in the darkness. Yes, you can blow it out, and it is gone, but then it lights itself again. I did not do it. I do not have that power to kindle the light, to ignite the spark of life that illuminates all reality. It is you who does this. Like someone in darkness I grope for something solid and turn around and turn around to find some solid point of reference. But, like a presence standing behind me, as I turn, you turn also to be always out of view, yet the presence abides. Standing with me in the darkness, literally backing me up, ready to catch me if I fall, directing me forward, and where I go, you go. And so, cupping my hands, I see the flame again, just enough to show me where I am, and, lighting up my face, you see me, and smile your love upon me.