Why do I love God?

Why do I love God?

Because he first loved me. Before I ever knew him, he loved me. Knowing that meeting him would be the joy of my life, he called me to him, and continued to draw me with gracious acts of kindness till I heard his voice, looked up and saw him. Beholding him, he took my breath away. The beauty of his goodness, truth and love is like nothing else, beyond everything else, more precious than everything else combined. His love for me blew my mind; I could not take it in, even as he flooded my heart with light and love, full and overflowing, extravagantly pouring out, giving me a new love I had never known before, a love far beyond my capacity to love. Now I love because he loves me. It is not my love that I give, but his, yet at the same time it is my love because it his gift of love to me. So, I love him even more for giving me this gift, so beyond what I deserve, what I could ever have achieved on my own. It is his gift, but he tells me it is mine. He has given away his love to me, because he loves me.

And because of his love, I adore him. He catches me up to undreamt of heights – I who so naturally stoop low am lifted up. He anoints me with love, as though I am something – when even I call myself nothing. I love him because he loves me despite not deserving any of it. Yet it is his nature to love, yet even so, he is not simply expressing himself, but genuinely loving me, wanting me to respond, wanting me to be whole, and taking pleasure as I respond.

And he is so patient. As I take baby steps, he revels with delight to see me. Like a parent gazing at their beloved child, he looks at me. He does not need my love; he does not need to love me; he is complete in himself already. Yet such is his love that he simply loves to love. As a creative gift of life, he showers his love on me.

More than patient, he is long-suffering. For I hurt him. I wound the one I love. As he always knew I would, and yet still he called out to me to love him. I betray the one I love, over and over, yet over and over he forgives me. Why should he do this? It is so far beyond my understanding; so beyond what should be done, or what anyone would do. Yet he does it. His love for me never ends, never falters, never even dims. In his love for me, he still only ever wants for me to be whole, and to that end he will do anything, even sacrifice his very self. His love has such capability. Without him, there are harms that are done that can never be put right, but with him, everything can be healed. And perhaps for this I love him most of all. That when my actions should have ended our love affair and cast me far from him, when I finally condemn myself, he draws near and redeems me. He presents himself to me afresh. Before I have finished my tears of sorrow for my failures, weeping in deep lamentation that I have run from him, I discover that I have run again into his arms. Without realising it, thinking he was far from me, he had kept company with me in my despair, and now I find that I am once again in his embrace.

This love that he has given me, that I have found in him and through him, is unlike any other love – and for this reason I call it a holy love – “holy” simply as a way to try and say, “I cannot comprehend this”. There are other loves, and they too can lift you to perfect fulfilment, but even saying this, his love is still like no other.

He can reach me when no-one else can, when no-one else wants to. When I hate myself, he loves me. If all others should despise me, he would stand up for me.

His love gives me such joy. I cannot describe it. But I can experience it. I who am so shallow am lifted up to the heights of heaven. I cry for joy that he should love me. I pour out my tears in disbelief that he can do this – come to me and embrace me. The invisible, ineffable God, who is beyond us so completely, is so fully in my heart. Come dear Lord; visit me again with your over-flowing love, that I may love you afresh, and love you more.